Afric Nickson, 42, had no idea how low she would feel when she became pregnant with her second child. She describes how she overcame antenatal depression.

We had not planned Alex. I’d only been going out with Simon for five and a half months so was stunned to find out I was pregnant. Simon was thrilled, though, as he said ‘We’ll be a little family’ and he looked forward to the birth.

I was as sick as a dog and had pre-eclampsia, suffering from high blood pressure. I found it difficult to be enthusiastic. I was over-anxious, being a first-time mum, living in an area I didn’t know, as I’d gone over to the Isle of Man to be with Simon. But I soon settled and Alex was born healthy on 1 October 2003.

I stayed off work until Alex was old enough to go to nursery. I was looking forward to 2007 as I was about to go back to work and Simon and I were getting married in April. But in January 2007 I found I was pregnant again. I was so angry. I had not planned to be pregnant a second time, especially as I was now in my forties, and certainly not for my wedding day. Simon, though was delighted.

I started to feel low and was sick all the time. I had no appetite and lost one and a half stone. I also found it hard to sleep. I was permanently exhausted.

One day I was halfway walking down the road, when I started to feel frightened about being outdoors. I didn’t mind people, it was the sheer vastness of space. I went back home. I did pour out my feelings to friends as I didn’t want them to think I was rude. They sympathised but didn’t know what to say.

I went ahead with the wedding but didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t feel like me. I felt like a Jekyll and Hyde character, one minute lovely, the next really nasty.
 
When I was 17 weeks’ pregnant I woke up Simon in the night and told him I wanted an abortion and had actually booked one. It was bizarre – although I didn’t want a baby I didn’t hate the one I was carrying – I just wanted to escape.

Simon looked at me and said ‘We need to get help.’ The next day, he took time off work to go with me to the GP who referred me to a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with depression and gave me drugs.

After four weeks, the Prozac kicked in and I felt good enough to drive again. I also saw a counsellor who was fantastic. She had a late pregnancy herself, so could understand how I felt. ‘You have a right to feel angry’ she said, which made me feel ‘Thank God! At last someone understands me!’

This was a turning point. Shortly after that conversation, I was walking down the road and suddenly felt uplifted. I started to look forward to having a baby and went shopping.
Alex had also been wonderful. I found it difficult to look after him, but he was the one person who got me through. Although he couldn’t understand my mood swings, he put up with me and his face lit up when I told him I was expecting a baby boy. He and Simon named the baby Charlie Gabriel.

Charlie was born at 37 weeks, on 25 August 2007 weighing 6.5 lb. I had to be induced and was as high as a kite on Pethadone so hadn’t noticed that Charlie had been born blue and needed to be resuscitated. He pulled through though and I bonded with him as soon as I touched his head.

Charlie had a bit of jaundice but was able to come home with me after eight days in hospital. He’s wonderful, irritable, teething, but an incredibly laid-back baby. Alex adores him.

I’m gradually being weaned off the drugs now and feel much happier. My relationship with Simon is better too. He has his little family now.

Don’t feel a failure if this happens to you – get help. You may risk a friendship but you could save a couple of lives.”

How Tommy’s can help

It’s only natural to feel a bit stressed or anxious during pregnancy and this is where Tommy’s team of midwives can help. They are on hand to answer any pregnancy-related question you may have. They can also help put your anxieties aside and allay your fears about common pregnancy concerns. To speak to a midwife in confidence, just call Tommy’s Pregnancy Information Line on 0870 777 30 60 or email midwife@tommys.org.

Afric also found www.depression-in-pregnancy.org.uk very helpful. This site offers help for those suffering from antenatal depression.